Its true that you become a mother as soon as you conceive a child, and that selflessness, the maternal instinct, the strength and courage of character kicks in as soon as you hold a little life in your hands. When you feed her even if your nipples are cracked, when you console her even if you are crying, when you comfort her even through your own discomfort, when you pray that she gets a good sleep even if your own eyes are swollen due to lack of it.
Avani's arrival was the smoothest thing perhaps. No trouble during pregnancy and with the C-sec also conducted perfectly, I don't remember a single bad day during those nine months. Just like every mother, I remember all the firsts clearly. The first time I saw this little child freshly taken out of my womb, first time I tried feeding her, her first touch, her first poo, her first smile, her first crying episode...everything.
But I think my journey to becoming a mother actually began with her diagnosis on ASD. Lot of people appreciate what am doing and how am handling the situation and my answer always is, 'any mother would do this'. When your only option is to accept and work hard towards making your child's life meaningful, then you can't have the luxury of choices.
It's about two and a half years now into therapies and understanding Avani's condition. I have not only seen massive improvement in her but I think the biggest achievement has been my transformation into a person that I thought I could never be!
First lesson that a child on spectrum teaches you is 'Patience'. No matter how much I shout, how much I get frustrated, angry, irritated, if Avani has decided to not respond to her name, then there is no way that I can reach her without being patient. I have to slow down, bend down to make eye contact and repeat her name with an inviting smile to get her to respond.
Second lesson is that when it comes to your child's needs, you cannot let your ego come in picture. You gulp down your ego, every time a therapist tells you how your child is full of 'issues'. You kill your pride every time a professional tells you to make innumerable calls before you get an appointment. You learn to ignore those inquisitive looks from strangers who judge your parenting while your child is throwing a tantrum. You tell yourself 'its ok, its ok' a thousand times when little kids in the park refuse to play with your kid.
Yeah, It's OK!
And I think the biggest lesson, I have learnt as a mother is that you choose your fights carefully.
With ASD kids, you have so many 'big' issues that so called 'small' ones need to be dropped. I have learnt to priorities my fights. I don't argue when class teacher complains that you child doesn't sit. I know she doesn't and I also know it can be equally a judgment on her teaching and talking method, but I don't correct her. I don't care if a little kid says that Avani screams loudly some times. I know she does, and I don't think that its worth explaining a 4-5 year old the difficulties Avani has with sensory processing. I just admit and tell them that I will make sure Avani doesn't do that to scare them next time.
However, it is also important to identify what is worth fighting for. Its only obvious to give up easily when you are so overwhelmed by circumstances. But don't do that all the time. You fight when you MUST. You fight like only a mother can.
I become Avani's advocate as soon as I sense that she is being excluded from some basic childhood experiences that she deserves. I take up a fight with anyone who questions my child's abilities without testing them. I also don't take illogical arguments to keep her away from her basic rights whether it is related to education or entertainment.
On this Mother's Day, can I please request all the mothers to choose to speak up. Speak up for anyone who needs you - your child or mine. Speak up against any wrongdoing you see around you - whether it affects you or someone else. Speak up to not just protect your own child but also speak to your child if you feel the need to protect another kid. For its only a mother who can understand selflessness, affection and compassion like no one else.
Avani's arrival was the smoothest thing perhaps. No trouble during pregnancy and with the C-sec also conducted perfectly, I don't remember a single bad day during those nine months. Just like every mother, I remember all the firsts clearly. The first time I saw this little child freshly taken out of my womb, first time I tried feeding her, her first touch, her first poo, her first smile, her first crying episode...everything.
But I think my journey to becoming a mother actually began with her diagnosis on ASD. Lot of people appreciate what am doing and how am handling the situation and my answer always is, 'any mother would do this'. When your only option is to accept and work hard towards making your child's life meaningful, then you can't have the luxury of choices.
It's about two and a half years now into therapies and understanding Avani's condition. I have not only seen massive improvement in her but I think the biggest achievement has been my transformation into a person that I thought I could never be!
First lesson that a child on spectrum teaches you is 'Patience'. No matter how much I shout, how much I get frustrated, angry, irritated, if Avani has decided to not respond to her name, then there is no way that I can reach her without being patient. I have to slow down, bend down to make eye contact and repeat her name with an inviting smile to get her to respond.
Second lesson is that when it comes to your child's needs, you cannot let your ego come in picture. You gulp down your ego, every time a therapist tells you how your child is full of 'issues'. You kill your pride every time a professional tells you to make innumerable calls before you get an appointment. You learn to ignore those inquisitive looks from strangers who judge your parenting while your child is throwing a tantrum. You tell yourself 'its ok, its ok' a thousand times when little kids in the park refuse to play with your kid.
Yeah, It's OK!
And I think the biggest lesson, I have learnt as a mother is that you choose your fights carefully.
With ASD kids, you have so many 'big' issues that so called 'small' ones need to be dropped. I have learnt to priorities my fights. I don't argue when class teacher complains that you child doesn't sit. I know she doesn't and I also know it can be equally a judgment on her teaching and talking method, but I don't correct her. I don't care if a little kid says that Avani screams loudly some times. I know she does, and I don't think that its worth explaining a 4-5 year old the difficulties Avani has with sensory processing. I just admit and tell them that I will make sure Avani doesn't do that to scare them next time.
However, it is also important to identify what is worth fighting for. Its only obvious to give up easily when you are so overwhelmed by circumstances. But don't do that all the time. You fight when you MUST. You fight like only a mother can.
I become Avani's advocate as soon as I sense that she is being excluded from some basic childhood experiences that she deserves. I take up a fight with anyone who questions my child's abilities without testing them. I also don't take illogical arguments to keep her away from her basic rights whether it is related to education or entertainment.
On this Mother's Day, can I please request all the mothers to choose to speak up. Speak up for anyone who needs you - your child or mine. Speak up against any wrongdoing you see around you - whether it affects you or someone else. Speak up to not just protect your own child but also speak to your child if you feel the need to protect another kid. For its only a mother who can understand selflessness, affection and compassion like no one else.
