One worry less, but two more added...

I dream, I've just delivered baby no. 2 and my first question to the doctor - How does the baby's nose look!?! Tell me the gender later, but first the nose please!

And am sure, this is exactly how it’s going to be. 

The reports of my amniocentesis and Microarray came back absolutely ‘normal’. So chromosomal abnormalities are ruled out. Thank God! We are told to relax and proceed further with no stress. Come back for a growth scan at 28 weeks now. Which we duly take appointment for. So its a Friday afternoon, and the doctor starts the scan. We are anxious about the Nasal Bone and it’s still NOT seen. Ok... now the doctor is almost mumbling to herself “what’s with the right hand”... “that’s quite an awkward position”... She shakes my tummy and the hand stays the same way. She abruptly tells me to take a walk and come back after eating something sweet.

Husband and I are sitting in a cafe in hospital. Over a cup of coffee and a big chocolate pastry, am telling him, I think the doctor suspects something in the right arm too. He diverts my attention to coffee and we are back for a repeat scan. 

Yet again, the right hand is in same position as about half an hour back and nothing seems to help in tracking any movement in it. 

By now we are sure that something is amiss. The doctor insists on a third try and now am told to have some juice, take a long walk, go to the loo... basically do something to shake the baby and help him/her change the position. Half an hour later... we still have the same challenge. Absent nasal bone combined with no movement in the right arm. The doctor, I think is more nervous than me at this point and refuses to give me the scan report. We decide on another try the next morning and its heavily raining as we step out of hospital. I think that heavy grey sky and our struggle to get to metro to reach home helped us ignore our fears till its bed time. 

That Friday night will go down as another horrible/uncertain night in this pregnancy. 

The curious case of an Absent Nasal Bone

Its not for the first time that the thought of having another baby struck me. I remember telling my mom soon after Avani that I would want two kids back to back and then get on with career. But what we plan doesn't stand a chance unless its approved by the One above all of us. 

Avani's diagnosis at around two years of age changed our world completely. In the last seven years, I conceived twice before and after much deliberations and heart break decided to terminate both the times in less than six weeks. Its tough on everyone. 

So when you realise that you have a third opportunity, you feel that this could very well be the last! I wanted to grab it before its too late and I really thought that I am indeed destined to have another baby. 

But by the time we hit the 19th week mark, the thought of terminating pregnancy has crossed my mind once again.

Once in car, I break down. The radiologist told us that absent nasal bone is considered a soft marker for Down Syndrome, also known as Trisomy 21. The child born with this condition could suffer with a wide a range of cognitive and physical limitations.

Are we 'strong' enough to have another child with special needs? I have a long list of friends and relatives who in a very well meaning way call me a 'strong' person, a 'brave' mother! God chooses people like me to throw such challenges... So let me just confess once and for all, I am not 'strong'. Please God, now spare me your 'challenges'. 

Before we reach my Gynae for further planning, I google everything about medical issues concerning an absent nasal bone. There were no other anomalies in the scan, and we are advised to see an expert in Apollo's Fetal Medicine Department. 

It was a horrible night. I cry and curse every tissue of my body for being incapable of producing a healthy child. 'Why me'??? Rather 'why me' again!?!

Doctor hears me out patiently. She knows my first child is on Autism Spectrum, she knows am a nervous wreck at that moment and she knows that this is the closest I would ever be to have another shot at maternity. We also meet a Geneticist in the same department. 

We are advised amniocentesis which basically means drawing out amniotic fluid from placenta and testing it to confirm if the baby has any chromosomal issues. The results will either rule out or confirm Trisomy 21, Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13 abnormalities a hundred percent. The geneticist suggests another test called Microarray using the same sample. Chromosomal Microarray (CMA) will be done for genetic testing in a range of 7,50,000 combinations to look out for any unexplained developmental delay/intellectual disability or any other anomaly in my unborn child.  

Both reports would take approximately three weeks to come and the wait is agonising. By the time reports are out, I would be 22 weeks plus and legally cannot terminate pregnancy. So no matter what, this baby is coming. 

Note: I am not writing this blog in real time. Am currently 32 weeks pregnant and these tests, there follow ups, second/third opinion have been sought. This blog is an attempt to fight my fears/concerns and uncertainties through positive vibrations from friends and family. Its been a tough journey and challenges have been many, will keep you all posted on how it goes. Due date is 11th December - another coincident, as Avani was born on 11th December too :)

Breaking News!!!

Recently Facebook threw up a memory from October 2010. Am seven months pregnant with Avani and commentating for the sport of Wrestling during CWG 2010. Such a career high that was and anyone who would meet a pregnant commentator in a noisy stadium would have their own comments! Your baby will either be a commentator himself/herself or a wrestler!! And I was like - why not!!!

We know my baby's journey in these seven years and the breaking news is that am pregnant again! Yup! Its time to welcome baby no 2! And coincidentally, even in this pregnancy I worked as commentator for another international wrestling tournament! Haha.. that was in month 5! 

But coincidents don't end there for us. Call it destiny/luck/karma or whatever, it seems am

chosen by the almighty to stay in perpetual stress concerning my children. 

When Aiyappa and I 'discovered' earlier this year that I've conceived, for at least 12 weeks we were not sure if we're going ahead with the baby or... 

Then the mother in me got greedy. I wanted another chance at 'producing' a healthy offspring. I wanted a sibling for Avani. I wanted someone to talk to any time of the day. Someone who can annoy me with his/her questions and share all emotions. 

So we go ahead. Starting Month 2, there's massive evening sickness. All I do post 3 PM from month 2-5 is eat and puke!!! Weight  gain is bare minimum... no one can guess that am expecting. 

Week 18 onwards, things start easing out a bit. I tell myself,  this is the time to start enjoying. Just a bit anxious about the impending 19th week anomaly scan but relaxed overall.  We reach this radiologist for the scan promptly when its time. Its going fine... fetal heart, kidneys, liver, stomach, brain, arms, legs everything seems to be on the mark. We are happy and just as we are thanking our stars, the doctor decides to drop a bomb! 

We are told, that baby's nasal bone is absent. What does that mean? Well, its considered a soft marker for chromosomal abnormalities... With fucked up mind and heart, we get out... Aiyappa decides to buy some 'namkeen' and I want to have a samosa to fight tears. We eat, we leave and just when we reach parking, I get a call from doctors clinic... we're praying that he's called us back to say that there's been a mistake and everything is fine with our baby... please please please.

Well, there has been a mistake and its concerning the report... but the problem is that he forgot to mention 'absent nasal bone' in the written sonography report. His assistant duly added that and said thanks for coming back. 

To be continued...